Last night, I made a choice to look at something I would normally be intimidated by and take it as a challenge to keep going. I stumbled upon a new web series that I immediately fell in love with. Aside from the show’s star and content being on point, the production quality was great and you could tell time and effort went into creating a tight product. Watching this encouraged me to want to keep working, which was a pleasant surprise because typically it would make me want to quit.
I usually watched things like this and saw all of the things wrong with what I was doing. Instead of being inspired, I would feel inadequate, as though we were in direct competition with each other. But this time, I decided that this man’s success did not mean my failure. I decided that working hard would eventually propel me to the same space.
This moment–the fact that it was even significant–helped me to realize I have to break the habit of expectation. For most of my life, I have been stellar in school, because that’s all I needed to be to be considered successful. So there was an expectation of being praised and getting the best because I had always “deserved” it. And because these exploits came relatively easy to me, I never grew an appreciation for the process of things. I was a results-driven person; if I didn’t do well in it, it wasn’t ultimately worth it. I have a history of starting things, only to abandon them when I don’t feel as though I was already the best, or at least in that conversation.
The TEDxNewYorkSalon event that I hosted on Friday initiated this new understanding of myself. When I was first offered the opportunity, I was ecstatic because I thought that I would be giving the traditional TED speech that would be recorded, etc. I was in the big leagues where I belonged! Upon learning the structure of the event I would be hosting, I immediately began to downplay the opportunity and felt my pride deflate. I would be facilitating an unrecorded conversation, not giving a speech that would go up on YouTube.
About a week before I was to host, I realized that I was discounting my blessings. I had to put as much positive energy into this as I would a “real” TED talk. How can I show the universe I’m prepared for big blessings if I treat the small ones as insignificant? Once I put intention into the day, the event blossomed as an important moment. The energy in the room and the comfort I felt leading that discussion were a much needed energy boost. Having participants waiting to speak to me just to tell me I did a good job rededicated me. Bringing positive intention to the event reverberated that energy back to me tenfold.
So, the moment discovering the web series last night took the lesson I’d learned from my TED experience and amplified it, yet again. Not only do I need to acknowledge my blessings, but I need to fall in love with the process between blessings. Instead of focusing solely on the next benchmark, I need to be present for the hustle. I am no longer in the insular and simple rewards structure of academia. Things don’t just come easy, so acknowledge the work it takes, put your head down and do it, and celebrate like hell whatever victories come your way.
I wrote the words “host a TED Talk” on my manifesto for this year, and I got it. That’s huge! I’ll just know to be more specific next time. 😉
You must be logged in to post a comment Login