Word of the Week No. 4: Humility

I only recently came to an understanding of humility. I’d always considered myself a humble person. I would appropriately shrug off praise and genuinely recognized that my accomplishments didn’t live in a vacuum. However, I’ve come to understand this as practiced humility. This is how you act to ensure that people know you to be a “humble” person.

True humility requires total vulnerability. I believe you have to be willing to stand with the full truth of who you are and submit to the fact that even with all your greatness, you are tiny in comparison to all that is great. You have to be willing to admit that even with all that you know, you know nothing. Humility is being glad in that understanding and knowing that there is yet more to be done.

I am scared to be completely vulnerable because I fear the criticism that can follow. I’m sensitive about my shit. I want to be the best or among the best immediately because the thought of being embarrassed petrifies me. Prioritizing this sensitivity has stunted my growth because I have been shaping my growth around my fear rather than truly growing past it. So that fear has  been present in every step of my improvement—tainting it.

This has been particularly detrimental in the area of discipline. In order to develop discipline, you have to submit to not knowing. You have to humble yourself to the fact that you have a lot to learn, which by definition means you will make mistakes. Rather than being humble enough to reveal to others how much I do not know or how much is left to learn, I cling to what I know and forgo the process of disciplined learning in order to avoid being seen making mistakes. It’s irrational, I know, but when has fear ever been rational?

Starting this website a little over a year ago was a conscious step towards eradicating this mindset. Lord knows I wasn’t sure what I was doing or how it would turn out (I still don’t!), but I knew I was tired of hiding behind my fear. Sharing some of my most intimate thoughts through the posts and videos on this site has been one of my greatest teachers. I can see the progress that I’ve made and see the missteps I’ve taken. I’m excited to try new things, even if they scare me.

There is still a to to be desired in regards to my consistency, but I know it will take time to unlearn the behaviors I’ve had for so long. Another part of my humility is giving myself the grace to fuck up–repeatedly. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes I fall short, and I’m slowly learning to be easier on myself when this happens.

There will inevitably be times when this lesson is tested. For this reason, I’ve written myself a small reminder that I can reread daily or repeat to myself as a mantra. Feel free to adopt or adapt it as you wish. Let me know if it helps!

Never assume that you know. Always listen and learn from all that you encounter. Be willing to look like the “fool” if it will teach you something. The only way to be foolish is to choose not to learn in the name of pride. Let people see you crawling towards your dream if that’s what it takes. Be willing to get it wrong and work til you get it right. Potential doesn’t get you praise. See the reward in trying. Appreciate the reward of labor. Relish in nothing else but your improvement, regardless of who sees or doesn’t see. Stop playing it safe and start playing to learn.