If Dreams Came True

If dreams came true, tomorrow you would be transformed into someone with my same vision
If dreams came true our love would move mountains and change ideals and make you driven
and make me more affectionate
and make you less blunt
and make me less defensive
and make you more talkative
and make me less insecure
and, and, and…

If dreams came true I would be lying next to you
Every night sighing with love because it’s not just our bodies that fit together like puzzle pieces
Feeling your heartbeat and knowing its blood pumps with the same fervor as mine
Our dreams intertwined

If dreams came true I wouldn’t have to have this conversation with you
I wouldn’t have to upend our lives
Our loves
I wouldn’t feel your heart breaking between my fingers
my soul wouldn’t ache with maybes
my tears wouldn’t drip with regret
Your silence wouldn’t be in contempt

If dreams came true I could convince you that my love for you is truer than I’ve ever known
could show you that I tried to be a warrior for our love
could tell you how in the deepest recesses of my soul I hold hope that we find each other again
with dreams intertwined
heartbeats pumping with the same rhythm towards a never ending future
our souls slipping into each other’s grooves like perfect puzzle pieces

Yet
As much as I try to fit my round peg in your square hole
I feel the empty spaces that don’t reach the corners
I taste the hesitation in our future
No matter how hard I try to fall into our forever, I bungee back to my doubts
I feel the love course through your veins and beg for total surrender
Only to feel my armor wedging between us
I cannot continue in this way
My soul will no longer allow it
I cannot force myself and I cannot lead you on

But, for tonight

As I rest my head on the now foreign pillow of my childhood bed
I will search for your breath on my face
your arm securing my waist
tethering me to your warmth and pulling me closer to your heartbeat

And I will pretend that our dreams came true.