The Truth Shall Get You Started (Video Companion)

I’ve always been told, “The truth shall set you free.” My father made that phrase a mantra for my life. He’d be lecturing me about something completely mundane, but somehow, there would always be space for him to ask, “Because the truth—what?” and I’d counter, “Shall set you free.” I honestly can’t remember when this started because he’s been saying it as long as I can remember. If you think about it, this statement is truly is one of the only guiding phrases you need. If you are completely honest at all times, life becomes that much easier for you.

One of the important subheadings under his pushing forth of the truth was this gem: “The greatest lie you can tell is the one you tell yourself.” He explained that these lies were the worst because they alter your sense of reality. After awhile, you cannot tell what’s what because your mind is working so actively to keep your lie alive.

So these phrases are with me my whole life, and I try my best to live by them. The problem with these kind of sayings are that after constant repetition, they become platitudes that lose their power. I understood them in theory, but they didn’t always fully translate. In all honesty, it didn’t really come together for me until I had an epiphany about another saying my father championed [my dad has a small arsenal of these things]: “The first principle is to know thyself.”

I always thought that he meant first in the context of most important—the principal principle. It took me a long time to realize that it was meant sequentially. You cannot move forward or grow in life until you know yourself. And knowing yourself requires that you are being truthful with yourself at all costs. Now, this doesn’t mean the truth that you’d like for others to hear. This isn’t the truth that is convenient for you. These are the hard truths. The shit you haven’t touched since you were a kid. The corners of your mind you only visit when you’re completely alone and in the dark for fear that others may somehow know what you’re thinking. Confronting and accepting that truth is your first step to changing your life.

Admittedly, the first step is often the hardest one. It may take some time to really get to know yourself. It may be years before you decide to fully face all of your truth. However, once you begin the process and gain awareness of your truths, your entire perception of yourself and your life change. We often make excuses for ourselves, and society helps us to blame things outside of ourselves. We get so accustomed to these excuses and deflections that we can lose sight of our own selves, our culpability, our responsibility. So, instead of admitting that we were hurt by a friend in the past and we’re therefore scared to open up to people, we will convince ourselves and others, “I don’t like people” or “No one can take me because I’m too real” or “I prefer to just stay to myself.” We don’t recognize or acknowledge the parts we play in our own circumstance. Yes, you may have developed some habit or trait as a result of some hurt inflicted upon you, but that does not mean that you are not responsible for those traits. We choose who we want to be. So in spite of whatever hurts you may have suffered, you can still decide that you’re not going to let it dictate who you are now. No one can make you feel a way that you don’t want to feel. Recognize the power that you hold!

I had to admit to being a liar. This was hard to accept because I didn’t lie maliciously, nor did I readily recognize my actions as lies. I would wear a mask with everyone. I would shift the way I acted to please those around me and hide parts of myself from people I claimed to trust. I had to realize that although this tactic had helped me gain friends when I was younger in a time where life seemed so difficult, it was now disabling me. Although these actions were subconscious, I had to make myself aware of doing it because it was a form of lying. I wasn’t being my truest self. I was so scared of my real self that I had developed a habit of indecision that made it nearly impossible for me to do even the simplest things without someone else’s input. I avoided having to be myself in favor of remaining as neutral as possible. No one can dislike you if you don’t rock the boat too much. Or do so in calculated moments. I was sure that I was in control, I knew who I was and I was living as me. I had obliviously ended up lying to myself by way of giving myself excuses and practical reasoning. “This is ok because I’m just doing it to blank.” Or, “This isn’t really a big matter anyway, so I’ll just go with this to make it easier.” These all piled up and contributed to reconstructing reality for me until the truth was buried so deep beneath my excuses and validations and hurts that it looked foreign to me when I finally faced it.

The path to becoming a better you begins with digging through that pile of excuses and half-truths. You have to check yourself and call yourself out on your own bullshit often and loudly—even on the “small” things. Is it really that you can’t workout or that you aren’t willing to sacrifice the time or move around the schedule you currently keep? Is it that nobody wants/likes you or that you don’t open yourself to those around you and don’t put yourself in situations for people to get to know you? If you get invite to a party and your first inclination is, “I don’t want to be around those people,” why would you go? Don’t give into the pressure of obligation that doesn’t actually exist. What will happen is that you will go because you don’t want to hurt the feelings of the person—who maybe you don’t really like all that much anyway—and you’ll not have a good time and you didn’t contribute any positive energy to this person’s event. Be aware of the truth behind every situation to not only help yourself, but the people around you.

BUT…

Understand that everyone’s truths are different! They are varied and multifaceted. They can be big, small, positive, negative, all or none of these. Create awareness around when and why you start to deviate from your truth. Do you start to lie or embellish when you feel threatened or embarrassed? Do you start to doubt your dreams when you share them with friends and don’t get a positive response? Do you not speak up for yourself because you’re scared of overstepping or hurting people’s feelings? It can look like so many things. Only you can determine what it is for you.

Once you’ve started developing your awareness, it will gradually become easier to live in this truth. As I’ve started this journey of awareness, I’ve found myself not agonizing over decisions like I once did. I don’t give in to as many things that I know I don’t want just to make others happy. Of course this is a process and it’s never done. It is an everyday practice to choose to be my most honest self, but it has made me a much happier person. I’m getting to know myself more and more each day and slowly accepting who I am and being glad in that. I hope you find similar results in your journey. Please, share your stories if you’re willing!

Love & Light, NN.